Fish Out of Water

They say the Lion is the king of the jungle. And maybe he is, but he doesnt look like royalty when he is in a cage at the safari walk or in a zoo. Point is you can only thrive in a particular environment. I have been hosting a large number of guys here on business and pleasure. The common problem they have all had is failing to fully understand the social scene here. I have mentioned in the past that the average Kla woman is pretty well pampered and expects a lot from her suitors. Nairobi dudes are not used to having to go to extra time and even penalties for a non competitive game like charity sheild! This can lead to a lot of frustrations. Word of advice (gathered from countless weekends of observation); while there is the odd chance of your bad boy image getting you some action out here, be prepared to go the whole nine yards or count many lukewarm nights ( it never really gets that cold in Kla)! Or just follow the footsteps of charlie in 2&1/2 men and just liquor them up.

© Kigz Briefs From the Diaspora

Hate Speech

The goings on of government are becoming ridiculous each passing day. They want to regulate everything. They even regulate when we can drink! Then there is this dude called Kivuja Mifupa or something similar. Ati he decides what you can say and when. If you are a guy like Ruto and you say 'Screw Man-U', that is hate speech. If you are Tinga and you say the same thing, it is National Reconciliation or some shit like that. Anywho, I nows a pace we can put this dude to good use. We should have him regulate the speech between People and their significant others. There are some words that come out of a womans mouth that are bound to cause panic even in the most seasoned player. High up on the list is ' WE NEED TO TALK'. This one pharse has the potential to upset world peace more than the funny beareded man Americans killed the other day. And Kivunja Mifupa as the custodian of world peace should declare that phrase if spoken by a female as HATE SPEECH!

Do have a loving week!

© Kigz Briefs From the Diaspora

Learning a Language Horizontally

I remember promising myself that I would find out what it is that ugandan guys get in return for such good treatment of their partners. Having acquired some finesse ( Not much though, coz u can get a man from the village but....) a pal was on a roll in more ways than you can imagine (What they tell you about sex Aunties must be true!).

But at some point he noticed a certain word kept comming up - 'Banange'! Due to the circumstances under which the name was mentioned, he was afraid to ask its meaning. One day he decided to quench his curiosty by asking a total stranger. At Fat Boyz ( A pub, good place to watch Sunday football), he struck up a conversation with a good looking lady ( But what the hell did he know! It was dark and he was on his 7th Club!).

He explained the situation and she told him that she would tell him the meaning on condition he gave her his number. Happy to get his answer and get picked up at the same time, he did not object. She took a big gulp at her beer and looked down at him and said "Men come in four sizes, Small, Medium, Large and......... BANANGE!
© Kigz Briefs From the Diaspora